Critique Notes /February 2006

Our critique session this month was well attended with a good mixture of familiar, new, and maybe I know you faces.  Our talented and astute president was sorely missed (Gary was out of the country tcb) and to paraphrase what Thomas Jefferson said when relieving Ben Franklin as the minister to France in the 1700’s, no one can replace (him), we can merely sit in his chair while he’s gone. That pretty much sums up the respect we have for our leadership as well.  Now to the 20 songs.

Lisa Loftin / Party Boat…a vocal only, sorta upbeat country tune with a touch of the islands that tells the songstory, ‘The weather’s cold & wet. Let’s cruise to Mexico on a party boat, drink margaritas & watch the sunset glow.’  Critics:  has good spirit of fun, easy to visualize and identify with, and lyrics paint an evocative storyline.

Bobby Mitchell / Whiskey Burger…a traditional country tune that tells the songstory, ‘I’wuz playing in Kansas when I got a whiff of bar-b-q burger in the air and it’s intoxicating sauce had me dumbfounded in my chair.’  The critical opinion:  is at a good tempo, could improve the rhyme in a few places, and might consider using an obscure brand instead of one well known.

Pat Bishop & Ron Tintner / Some Things Are Meant To Be…recorded well, this contemporary pop tune tells the songstory, ‘There’s nothing in this world could ever pry our love apart, cos’ some things are meant to be.’  The listeners:  a good demo, need to edit out a few superfluous words here and there, and a good idea or theme in the story line.

Van Buchanan / Even If It Took All Day…Recorded well, this contemporary county tune tells the songstory, ‘I remember my grand papa’s patient & caring ways; he’d watch me swim even if it took all day.’  The sessionaires’ thoughts:  good imagery and metaphors throughout song, great demo, needs stronger conclusion, good prosody, & lose chorus pause.

Bob Pine / Just One More Time…recorded well this contemporary MOR tune tells the songstory, ‘Hold me tight and say you’ll be mine; kiss my lips and love me just one more time.’  The criticians’ opinions:  good balance of repetition, needs more intro. before lyrics begin, might shorten chorus a bit, and song has a makes you feel good quality to it.

Mike Darnell / Boquillas…well recorded, this blue grassy tune tells the songstory, ‘A sleepy town on the Rio Grande, you can lose yourself in her canyon lands—ooh, Boquillas neath’ the western sky.’  The critical assessment:  overall a good tune, could improve lyrics in places, consider harmony in demo, captures town feel very well, and some great imagery.

Tracey Park / Having Fun at a Northside Bar…an upbeat, honky tonk styled tune that tells the songstory, ‘Said you didn’t want me; don’t like the way I play guitar, but that’s alright cos’ I’m having fun at a northside bar.’  The sessionaires input:  a really good toe tapper, lyrics are very visual and easy to see unfold in the mind, and some confusion in the story line.

Kathryn Burleigh / Keep Me from the Cold…performing live, Kathryn sings the songstory, ‘Water beats in time, running over me, ease my mind and soul and keep me from the cold.’  The critics’ collective thoughts:  very evocative but chorus has mixed meanings, good imagery that paints a very visual portrait, good vocal, and has crossover market potential.

Ron Tintner / Let’s Sail Away…recorded clearly, this balladesque tune tells the songstory, ‘Crusty bread and cheese and our love will keep us strong; let’s sail away and chase tomorrow’s song.’  The critical opinion:  has some great imagery, be more positive in lyrics, don’t be conditional, define madness, lose fancy wine name, and has some really strong lines.

Mike Ator / Have You Met Lonely?…recorded clearly this country ballad tells the songstory, ‘So you’re back and begging to stay; well, you’ve been replaced by my one and only; so Baby, have you met lonely?’  The critics’ thoughts:  strong song but chorus needs to be improved, start chorus with hook, could use a better set up verse, and good idea.

Robert Boelsche / The Old Man…playing his folksy ballad live, Robert tells the songstory, ‘Night closes in all around. But the old man doesn’t mind; the dark gives life to memories like ghosts from ancient times.’  The critics:  has a Neil Young feel, good imagery, include more worldly scenes, song needs to be edited to shorter length, and maybe too philosophical.

John Blackwell / Old Friend…playing his bluesy, blue collar tune live, John tells the songstory, ‘Old friend it was good to see you last night and know you’re doing fine.  I’ll see you soon someday and we’ll be friends for all time.’  The critics:  needs more story line, could use more story continuity, and a really neat country blues tune.

Dave Bannen / She Don’t Need Nobody at All…playing his ballad live, Dave tells the songstory, ‘Her heart’s behind walls at least 30 feet tall; no shining knight, she don’t need nobody at all.’  The critical assessment:  great hook, strong simple chorus, melody needs to fit chorus better, could swap some verses, and some really strong lyrics in places.

Andrew Richardson / Paper Boats…recorded well this pop/rock tune tells the songstory, ‘When the treaty’s signed and we save the whales, will our paper boats withstand the gales.’  The sessionaires’ opinions:  good melody, creates effective mood, try to simplify expressions in places, chorus needs resolution, and good opening verse.

Bill Aspinwall / Stronger Than This…playing his balladesque tune live, Bill tells the songstory, ‘Storms surround us with troubles with twists, but nothing can touch us; we’re stronger than this.’  The criticians’ thoughts:  too many us rhymes and strained rhymes, good set up verse, but needs more story line specificity, and make all verses same measure length.

Zane / I F___ked Up…recorded well, this country with an attitude tune tells the songstory, ‘I got a ton of excuses, and well, I could pretend, but that’s not enough.  We both know I f__ked up.’  The sessionaires’ assessment:  very clever in places, rather Randy Newmanish, a good bar song that would get played a lot, and a good beep, beep song.

Clyde Sayre / Locked Up Doors…recorded well this bluesy tune tells the songstory, ‘I kissed you once and you ran out the door; dizzy me found my stuff on the floor and your note by my locked up doors.’  The critics’ comments:  good, fun song, could tighten up production a bit in places, maybe do verses and then do the solo, and song works well overall.

Tony Rose / Stranger In My Eyes…playing his soft/rock ballad live, Tony tells the songstory, ‘You made me cry, but I now I realize how far we’ve come apart so I say goodbye to the stranger in my eyes.’  The critics’ opinions:  good internal rhyme, has some really strong lyrics in places, very emotionally expressive, and works very well for the listener.

Kat Rose / Caught in the Crossroads…playing her ballad live, Kat sings the songstory, ‘Trying to get there, but not sure which way to go; just caught in the crossroads of this life I know.’  The listeners’ opinions:  good title, great lyrics in places, strong chorus, and allow music to hang until the end (I have no idea what this means, but I wrote it down in my notes)

Craze Dan / Ode to a Troll…playing his ballad live, Craze Dan tells the songstory, ‘Once I was a man with clean sheets and an easy chair, now I’m just an ol’ troll whose life is broke and living under a bridge.’  The critical opinion:  a good overall folksy feel, story line is a bit confusing, maybe consider adding a bridge (no pun intended), and include more troll images.

Well, Songsters, that’s how the criticism fell in February’s session.  See ya’ in March. J.W.