Critique Notes / May 2006

 

Our May critique session was well attended with over a dozen submission being offered for consideration.  We had a nice spread of genres presented, and some solid criticism from the listeners.  The H/F.B.S.A. continues to be dynamic and traditional at the same time.  We change to conform to new ideas, collective songster personalities, and organizational development, but we rigidly remained fixed on our founding philosophy; it’s all for a song.  Here are my notes.

 

R.L. Boelsche / Frankie and Jane…playing his ballad live, Mr. B. tells the songstory, ‘Frankie works the docks and Jane is in insurance, and at night they dance together, whispering love’s endurance.’  The critics:  some solid lyrics but need to edit here and there, good bridge, needs more musical variation, stay focused on story line, and shorten overall length for more commercial appeal.

 

Kathryn Burleigh / There’s a Hurricane…A vocal/lyrics only presentation, Kathryn tells the songstory, ‘Winds blow out of Africa making the Big Easy uneasy.  Listen carefully, Darling, there’s a hurricane coming to New Orleans.’  The critics:  very descriptive lyrically, has a classic gospel feel, evokes poignant tragedy, good brevity but maybe add a tad more story line.

 

Lisa Loftin / By God’s Amazing Grace…Another vocal/lyrics only presentation, Lisa tells the songstory, ‘I love your beautiful face and side by side is our place and always will be by God’s amazing grace.’  The sessionaires’ opinion:  starts well, has really good song structure, bridge and 3rd verse could be improved a bit, needs more sentimentality for a wedding song, and a powerful tune.

 

Tony Rose / Let the Tears Flow…playing his balladesque tune live, Tony tells the songstory, ‘A quiet evening with the kids in bed, she thinks about the shoes and glasses they need, but nothing to do but let the tears flow.’  The critics’ assessment:  strong tune, first verse is great set up verse, rhyme scheme seems inconsistent, story does elicit mixed emotions, and could add more hopelessness in lyrics.

 

Bruce & Beth Scism and Gary Best / Her Tender Smile I Never Will Forget…playing the ballad live, Bruce tells the songstory, ‘Without her by my side, I wade thru a river of regret and her tender smile I never will forget.’  The critics:  some great lines, improve the chorus melody, place hook at the start of chorus, needs more connection to her smile, and develop more water imagery.

 

Ron Tintner / The Last Days of Summer…Recorded well, this pop/ballad tells the songstory, ‘The sun’s not so bright as the last days of summer go by, and we missed the chance to say what was on our minds.’  The critics’ opinion:  a good fun tune, make demo a bit simpler, good imagery, does have a touch of lyrical vagueness in places, and a good seasonal story.

 

Van Buchanan / Every Day Is a Door…Recorded well, this traditional country ballad tells the songstory, “A smile on his face, I ask him what he read, ‘The book of John says every day is a door for making dreams a’new and yes, it’s true.’ ’’ The critics:  tune has a great hook, solid lyrics, maybe add some catchy twist at the end about doors and lives, and improve bridge lyrically a bit.

 

Andrew Richardson / The Kind of Love (I Love to Hate)…recorded clearly, the pop/ballad tells the songstory, ‘Like movie stars, they’re stealing every scene. He’s not me, but don’t they look great.  It’s the kind of love I love to hate.’  The listeners’ thoughts:  song is set up well, has good pay off at end, good imagery, could improve the bridge a bit, and develop chorus a bit more.

 

Pat Bishop and Ron Tintner / I Couldn’t Buy Your Love…Recorded effectively this pop/rock tune tells the songstory, ‘I bought you everything; villas, guitars, and mink fur gloves, but I couldn’t buy your love.’  The criticians’ assessment:  Good collaboration, good verse consistency, could improve lyrics in places, add to chorus a bit more, consider a counter melody, and add to story line a bit more.

 

Bob Yoh / Insanityville…Recorded well, this ballad tells the songstory, ‘Corporate welfare, unending debt; how much higher will it get?  Is anybody sane?  Is anybody real?  Or have we all gone crazy in insanityville?’  The critical opinion:  Put some space between verses, a good meaty subject, does have some lyrical vagueness, very identifiable storyline, & song isn’t positive or negative—so take a stand.

 

Larry Sepulvado / Drink Myself to Death…Country with an attitude, this tune tells the songstory, ‘Bartender knows I’m not the drinking kind, but her love’s gone west, so tonight I’m drinking myself to death.’  The sessionaires’ comments:  a good sing-along tune, tune lyrically is very identifiable, a touch of ambiguity in places, tune has effective internal rhyme, and improve a word here and there.

 

Dorian Harrison and Lloyd Cox / Diddly Bop…Well recorded, this rock ballad tells the songstory, ‘Sometimes life throws a curve, gas goes up, but you can’t change a thing; so just sing diddly bop and sit back and enjoy the lemonade.’  The critics:  has good song structure, good production in the demo, good prosody in tune, improve chorus’s last two lines, and doubling works well.

 

Dave Bannen / I Was Wrong…Clearly recorded, this ballad tells the songstory, ‘I lose control and say things I regret.  I miss you when you’re gone.  What I should have said is I love you—I was wrong.’  The critical perspective:  A good effective title, tune has some good musical hooks, bridge doesn’t add to song, has good imagery but also some meter problems, and has good lyrical twist at the end.

 

Songsters, that’s a rap for the May critique session.  If I’m not sailing the briny deep, I’ll see you in June.  J.W.