Critique Notes /July 2006

 

We had a fairly good turn out for our July critique meeting, even though it was hotter than a lizard under a flat rock.  We had some hot tunes to critique as well.  Many styles were presented, and we had a good caliber of demo quality.  Here are my notes.

 

Danny Liggett / Memory of You…Danny was first before the critics with his well-recorded ballad.  He tells the songstory, ‘Saw your face today, made be blue.  If I’d told ya’ what ya’ meant to me, I’d have more than just a memory of you.’  The sessionaires:  gets the point across well, good instrumentation, needs more story detail, has a good feel, and could improve some words.

 

Tom Tranchilla / Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche…playing his ballady tune live, Tom tells the songstory, ‘Waitress ask for the order I told her and said add a lot of peas.  Then my buddy was giving me the strange eye and said real men don’t eat quiche.’  The listeners:  a really creative idea, needs to have more obvious rhyme in places, and Tom, real men don’t eat quiche, okay.

 

Lisa Loftin / Heaven Bound…presenting her lyrics only contemporary country tune, Lisa tells the songstory, ‘Baby girl born too soon, then a teenager with nothing to lose, now she’s 88—nothing has held her down.  Soon she’ll be heaven bound.’  Critics:  good lyrical turnaround, strong chorus, story line needs more detail, evokes good emotion, and elaborate on heaven bound.

 

Patricia Bishop & Terry Maldonaldo / I’ve Got My Eyes on You…a solid boogie woogie country tune that tells the songstory, ‘I’m what you need that’s clear through and through.  When she lets you down I’ll be there cos’ I’ve got my eyes on you.’  Critics:  a really strong demo, has good melody, maybe vary rhyme in chorus a bit more, and has solid prosody.

 

Patricia Bishop, Lloyd Cox & Dorian Harrison / Forever…recorded well, this contemporary pop tune tells the songstory, ‘We share our hearts and our love, and if we have our way we’ll love forever.’  Criticians’ opinions:  a good love song, but not necessarily a unique theme, has some really good lines, has a nice romantic, feel-good melody, but title needs to be changed.

 

Bob Boelsche / I Always Thought I’d See You One Last Time…recorded clearly this ballad tells the songstory, ‘I heard you were gone, never got to tell you what was on my mind.  Now and forever I always thought I’d see you one last time.’  Critics:  holds the attention well, could add more rhyme in places, good song imagery, and has a sad but good feel to it. (Dang, that’s oxymoronic)

 

Ron Tintner / Looking for One Real Person…well recorded this contemporary crossover tune tells the songstory, ‘I gave up looking for love that’s for certain.  But there’s something in me keeps looking for one real person.’  The sessionaires:  good melody, a nice touch of the islands, has a good retro feel, and could use more variation between verse and chorus.

 

Van Buchanan / Bedtime Story…a solid recording, this contemporary country tune tells the songstory, ‘Just when we thought our last page ended without glory, we wind up in each other’s arms and start a new bedtime story.’  The criticians’ thoughts:  good chord progression, great use of pause, tune has a good feel, and could use more variation between verse and the chorus.

 

Debbie Yoho / My Hymn to Her…playing her ballad live, Debbie sings the songstory, ‘The girl’s a pretender, working the Ohio chain gang, she’s got style, sings like a bird.  Don’t get me wrong, this is my hymn to her.’  The listeners’ assessment:  has a good groove, title works well, tune has a good feel, might consider adding another verse, and give it a bit more punch and attitude.

 

Mike Darnell / Around the World Blues…recorded well, this bluesy tune tells the songstory, ‘My baby up and left me though I gave her silver, gold, and loving too.  Now I’m suffering the around the world blues.’  The critical opinion:  song has really good production, solid groove, strong musically, some good lines, but overall lyrics need a bit of tweaking to work more with the music.

 

Well, Songsters, that’s a wrap.  Remember, Confucius said a long journey begins with the first step.  So does song writing.  See ya’ in August.    J.W.