Critique Notes /August 2006

 

It was hotter than a July firecracker for our August critique meeting, and dang, I’m thinking that’s SOP for life on the Texas Gulf Coast.  Course’ we’d need to add the skitters’ and this water we breathe down here called humidity, but that’s another story.  We had a good turnout and some good tunes to critique.  Here are my notes:

 

Patricia Bishop & Terry Maldonado / Say the Word…the girls were first before the judges with their contemporary/pop tune telling the songstory, ‘My bags are packed & sitting by the door. Just say the word or is our love over.’ The critics:  has a nice Carol King touch, improve chorus lyrically a bit, use fewer metaphors but add more story detail, and give more about the word.

 

Danny Liggett / Left Lane Driver…well recorded this bluesy/rock tune struck a chord with many of the listeners by telling the songstory, ‘You can honk your horn or flash your lights, but I’m a left lane driver and I ain’t moving to the right.’ Critics: good lyrics, clever idea, could improve chorus a tad lyrically, a really good guitar song, and improve rhyme in some areas.

 

Andrew Richardson / Annabelle Was a Classic…a solid recording, this pop/top 10 tune tells the songstory, ‘She was older, & pretty, let me spend the night; Annabelle was a classic, and she’s still keeping me up all night.’  The sessionaires’ comments:  sounds a bit like Smith, great melody, maybe slow tempo a bit, effective imagery, and nice consistent theme throughout song.

 

Bob Pine / Bobby…another solid Bob Pine recording.  This time in contemporary country, Bob tells the songstory, ‘For this female’s condition, Bobby knows all the positions; so much better than the mob.  Oh Bobby, do your job…(gasp)’ The fanning critics:  cute’s not the right word, but cute, (okay); has some lyrical confusion, great for its intention, and whoa, Dude.

 

Mike Darnell / Slow Down…well recorded this blues tune tells the songstory, ‘Slow down, Mama, you’re going ninety miles an hour.  I ain’t no superman and I’m about to catch on fire.’  The critics’ opinion:  a good blues tune, tweak the verses just a bit, add more consistency to the female allusions, has some really spiffy guitar work in the demo, and you might consider a duet version.

 

Bob Boelsche / Til’ the End of Time…recorded well this finger-picking ballad tells the songstory, ‘Sunrise and wrinkles on a pillow are that’s left behind; yet, somehow I thought we’d be together til’ the end of time.’  The criticians:  has a good feel, a good use of imagery, add why she’s leaving to the story line, and the first verse seems a bit disconnected.

 

Tracy Park / Texas Troubadour…another catchy barroom blues tune from Tracy that tells the songstory, ‘Honky tonks, whiskey, and people on dance floors.  I live and breathe and I’ll die a Texas troubadour.’ The critical assessment:  good production in demo, could improve verses a bit, you might want to add some gig locations for the troubadour, and shorten last line of the chorus.

 

Bob Pryor / Just Say I Love You…playing his ballad live, Bob sings the songstory, ‘Just three little words that can bind and mend; three little words that will never end; and it’s so easy to do; three little words just say I love you.’ The critics’ perspective:  good melody, work on rhyme scheme, good build to chorus, first verse feels too disconnected, and song might be too cerebral.

 

Buddy Trotter / Pledging My Love…recorded well this pop ballad tells the songstory, ‘When you think hope is gone, I’ll be by your side, and my love will always be true.  This is my pledge to you.’  The listeners’ responses:  has a really strong chorus, has a nice personal feel, has a positive retro feel, might consider a slower tempo, and has solid prosody—it all fits together well.

 

Lisa Loftin / On Air…lyrics only, Lisa’s contemporary/pop & country crossover tune (good market spread) tells the songstory, ‘Memories in her trunk, shoes she used to wear.  Though she’ll never walk again, in her dreams she walks on air.’  The critics:  good vocal on demo, needs more story line, why in wheelchair, some good imagery, good story twist, and lose stare.

 

Gary Taylor / Mary Ann…playing his ballad live, Gary sings the songstory, ‘I saw your photograph, so I’m calling from thirty years and a thousand miles away.  I know back then we fell apart, but, Mary Ann, I still love you to this day.’  The critics:  powerful tune, very identifiable, evokes good emotions, a tad long, and the rhyme scheme is rather strained in places.

 

Tom Kennedy / My Manic Depression and Me…a lyrics only presentation that Tom read for critique purposes.  The poem-like storyline tells, ‘Meds treat my manic syndrome, but then I crash and retreat.  Yep, that’s my manic depression and me.’  The critics:  lyrics are good but maybe a bit heavy for listening audience, need to make story more concise, and has solid, effective imagery.

 

Robert Barreda / Fireflies…well recorded this contemporary/pop tune tells the songstory, ‘It’s towards the end of another summer, the kids play til’ twilight.  Then my favorite memory washes over me, the fireflies at night.’  The sessionaires’ thoughts:  has good lyrical pictures, needs better story resolution, music and verses fit together well, and could really use a chorus.

 

Bruce Scism& Shane Rogers / Running at the Speed of Sound…playing their ballad live, Bruce tells the songstory, ‘When I was young I left home with dreams bigger than life, now I’m homeward bound running at the speed of sound to the life I once knew.’  Critics:  good imagery, improve 2nd verse, could use more story line, keep tense consistent for clarity, and good use of irony.

 

Patrick Juneau & J. Libby / Somewhere In the Back of Your Mind…Love ain’t supposed to be so hard, so, Baby, make up your mind.  Years down the road I hope you’ll have memories I loved you somewhere in the back of your mind.’  The critics:  good production & a sweet tune, good use of a bridge, chorus works well, has a hooky chorus and concise lyrics.  Good package.

 

And that’s how the ol’ music notes went for August.  From me to you, have a good one, and we’ll see ya’ in September.  J.W.