Critique Notes September 2006

                                                                                  By Jerry Weatherton

 

A bunch of us songsters gathered together in the inviting confines of the Hops House this past September and grooved to some fine tunes.  We had a fairly good mixture of styles and heard some effective criticism.  Here are my notes:

 

Patti Guyer / Can’t Touch…playing her balladesque tune live, Patti tells the songstory, ‘You are my wind, my rain and nothing can touch us cos you are my everything,’  Critics:  good imagery, effective bridge, improve rhyme in places, needs more why, and relocate hook/title.

 

Andrew Richardson / The Sea…recorded well this pop/ballad tells the songstory, ‘Washed ashore on paradise, pulled back by the sea; where can we live happily.’  Critics:  has a good musical feeling, captures theme well, lyrics a bit vague, needs more water imagery & closure.

 

Patricia Bishop & Mike Darnell / That Ain’t No Way…this bluesy tune tells the songstory, ‘Faithful & true, living on love; then you left me & that ain’t no way to treat your baby.’  Critics:  solid music, add to chorus, good story line, improve bridge, and get to Baby quicker.

 

Tony Rose / Pass Me By…playing his pop/ballad live, Tony tells the songstory, ‘Don’t deceive me, Darling. I’m not that kind of guy.  Love me completely or pass me by.’  Critics:  add more rhyme, nice uptempo feel, edit out some words, might have two choruses, and good melody.

 

Ron Tintner & Patricia Bishop…Down on County Line Road…this rocky tune tells the songstory, ‘Friday nights everybody goes for beer & music down on county line road.’  Critics:  fun song, easy to dance to, catchy chorus, good retro feel, and could edit out some words.

 

Gary Taylor / Out on the London Road…playing his ballad live, Gary tells the songstory, ‘To party in England & stay up all night long, the place to be is out on the London Road.  Critics:  great bar or “Pub” song…for England, catches the feel well, and has a good sing-along chorus.

 

Bob Pine / Cherish You Forever…recorded well this rock ballad tells the songstory, ‘I love your smile and your personality.  I’ll cherish you forever cos’ you’re right for me.’  Critics:  great chorus, use title more, lose sandpile, good lyrically but music needs better fit to lyrics.

 

Van Buchanan / He Doesn’t Know You…this country ballad tells the songstory, ‘He says you’re cold, never looks in your eyes.  But he doesn’t know you and the love you have inside.’  Critics: great lyrics, maybe a duet, improve chorus music a bit, and more why story line needed.

 

Dave Bannen / Straight A’s in Love…this pop ballad tells the songstory, ‘Never cared for school, just went to study you; and I got straight A’s in love all because of you.’  The critics:  fun song, add another verse, could use a touch of humor, and improve bridge, or drop it.

 

Larry Sepulvado / Working Man’s Wife…this bluesy, country tune tells the songstory, ‘A childhood bride, raising kids & getting by. Mama was a working man’s wife.’  Critics:  a good feel, some lyrical confusion, evokes good emotions, lose the internet line, & add more rhyme.

 

And that’s how it went in the September session.  We’ll see you in October.         J.W.