Critique Notes October 2006                                                     

                                                 By Jerry Weatherton

 

The ol’ second Sunday of the month rolled around and a gang, or would it be a gaggle of songsters, gathered inside Ye’ Ol’ Hops House and celebrated our craft of song writing.  We heard multiple genres’ of tunes and some good criticism was offered.  So for almost ten years, one again here are my note, and songsters my notes for November 2006 session will be my last notes as regretfully, my time takes me on other journeys. 

 

Mike Darnell / Man in the Moon…this balladesque tune tells the songstory, ‘Snow’s fallin’ & wishin’ I was home, but the man in the moon keeps reminding me that I’m all alone.’  Critics:  has good imagery, improve words in places, great mood setter, and a good complete package.

 

Larry Sepulvado / Some Hearts Get All the Breaks…playing his bluesy tune, Larry tells us, ‘Heartache after heartache I’ve had all I can take, why do some hearts get all the breaks?’ Critics:  good story line, evokes emotion, great internal rhyme, improve a few words, and solid prosody.

 

Andrew Richardson / A Single Summer…this gentle ballad tells, ‘Youth, confidence, and diamonds in the sky; we live a single summer that’s now passed us by.’ Critics: great emotions,  good imagery, improve a few words, music & lyrics need better matching, & maybe a bridge.

 

Patricia Bishop / Grandpa’s Picture…lyrics only, this ballad tells the songstory, ‘After 37 years of love he passed away, but grandma holds grandpa’s picture and he never fades.  Critics:  good idea, needs more picture story line or a bridge, very moving, and improve third verse a bit.

 

Patti Guyer & Chris Stiteler / Losing You…playing the bluesy ballad live, Patti tells us, ‘Living in the dark alone and blue cos’ now I find I’m losing you.’  The sessionaires:  Use hook more in chorus, verse & chorus too similar, get to chorus quicker, has good feel, & good vocals.

 

Lisa Loftin / Come Home Christmas Eve…lyrics only, Lisa tells us the songstory, ‘Holiday is here, kids are in bed, presents under the tree; all I want is you home on Christmas Eve.’  Critics: evokes painful emotion, improve 2^nd verse, and more story line reason why he’s not home.

 

Stan Hatch / Extra Special Bitter Blues…playing live, Stan tells us, ‘Bartender, another round of the extra special bitter blues cos’ she’s gone and there ain’t nothing I can do.’ Critics: good use of puns, make more upbeat, good music & words but not a great package, and good melody. 

 

Tony Rose / Images of Loving…Tony tells us, ‘I thought loving was forever, a never-ending dream, but the images of the loving we’ve been living are now as cold as a winter scene.’  Critics:  great melody, good chorus, needs more loving images, and could use more intensity.

 

Bruce Scism & Gary Best / Guide Me Home…this ballad tells, ‘Though these lonely canyons don’t let the flame die out; guide me home through the wilderness of doubt.’ Critics:  good melody, nice guitar work, maybe a bridge, needs more guide me home images & good vocals.

 

Songsters, that’s how the notes fell in October.  Remember, November is probably our most important meeting so try to make it out.  Until then, keep penning those tunes.  J.W.