H/F.B.S.A Critique Session / November Notes                                                     

                                                 By Jerry Weatherton

 

Our November meeting was filled to the brim with a hundred and eleven things to do, and we managed to cover all our bases without too much mishap.  We critiqued a dozen good tunes and voted on our song of year, which meant touching some memories from the past year’s submissions.  I announced my departure from the Critique Moderator’s position and introduced our excellent replacementsMike Darnell, who will steer the ship safely through uncharted waters, and Danny Liggett who will keep a log of all that transpires during the voyages.  I would like to say now that being the scribe for the H/F.B.S.A. during these years has been a truly inspirational time for me, in fact it has inspired me to devote more and more of my time to writing prose, but regretfully it has diminished my time for song writing.  But that’s okay because change is what keeps the world turning, and Mike and Danny will enhance the organization with their new ideas and approaches to song crafting.  Remember, it’s all for a song.   And so for the last time, here are my notes:

 

Ron Tintner / Chat Site Girl…recorded well, this pop/rock tune tells the songstory, ‘I met her in a chat site, part of the cyber world.  Now she’s my chat site girl.’  Critics:  good catchy feel, could edit out some words, good solid hook, has good energy, and break works well.

 

Mike Darnell / Can’t Stop Now…well recorded this bluesy ballad tells the songstory, ‘The road behind’s a sorrow; devil says the road ahead is rough.  Can’t stop now, I’ll just call his bluff.  Critics:  solid lyrics, good guitar work, could use more emotion & story line, and good groove.   

 

Mike Ator / Unfamiliar Faces…this countryish ballad tells the songstory,  Nothing new, same ol’ places.  I think it’s time for some unfamiliar faces.’  The critical perspective:  bridge works well, maybe lose 3^rd verse, work on chorus a bit, add story line, and drive hook a bit more.

 

Lisa Loftin, Peggy & Patti Guyer / We Are the Girls…playing their ballad live the girls tell the songstory, ‘We make your nights, we rock your world, we make you smile; we are the girls.’ Critics:  performed well, pick up tempo, add more flirtatious imagery, and has the right feel.

 

Patti Guyer / Your Song…playing her ballad live, Patti tells the songstory, ‘You’re gone and sometimes words flow easy, sometimes voices are deceiving; why can’t I write your song?’  Critics:  chorus starts well, needs more verse/chorus variation, and very effective lift on tag out.

 

Jerry Weatherton / You Pull Me In…recorded well, this rock tune tells the songstory, ‘From the first time I heard you I couldn’t believe my ears; you pull me in.’ The sessionaires’ opinion.  cool tune, could swap verse/chorus hook emphasis, some great guitar work, and good prosody.  

 

Bob Boelsche / Making Peace Out of Loving You…playing his ballad live, Bob tells the songstory, ‘Time’s not making it easier making peace out of loving you.’  The critics:  great tune, maybe add some story line, good imagery, could improve chorus a bit, and lose the tacits.

 

Danny Liggett / Everything’s Broken…recorded well, this balladesque tune tells the songstory, ‘Politicians cutting deals, rich getting richer, the poor can go to hell; everything’s broken; there’s nothing left to tell.’  Critics: a neat, dark gothic feel, limit the effects, and a good demo.

 

Andrew Richardson / Touchy Feely…recorded well, this pop tunes tells the songstory, We’ve lost the love you gave so feely; all that’s left is how you’re so touchy feely.’  Critics:  has some really good lines, be more aggressive vocally, needs more disco images, and drive the hook.

 

Dave Bannen / My Forever…playing his ballad live, Dave tells the songstory, ‘I felt like a prize fighter on the mat when she said ‘I don’t see us together; you’re not my forever.’ Critics:  good hook, maybe a bridge or may be 2 songs, edit lyrics in chorus, and a nice touch of Roy O.

 

Larry Sepulvado / Double-deep & Double-wide…recorded clearly, this rockabilly tune tells the songstory, ‘This double life is eating us alive, but our love is double-deep & double-wide.’ Critics:  song has a good perky feel with a solid groove, and some lyrics seem a bit vague.

 

Dorian Harrison & Lloyd Cox / Rain…recorded well, this inspirational tune tells the songstory, ‘Lord let your rain fall on me and send your angels to keep me safe and free.’  Critics: great demo, edit down chorus a bit, has good pacing, and vary the rhyme more lyrically.

 

And Songsters, that’s how the November session went.  I’ll see ya’ a the holiday party.  J.W.