Critique Notes /January 2007

There was a good turn out for the beginning of a new year. The meeting had a very positive feel in the air as everyone was ready to get started. The songwriters have not had the chance to show their wares since November so there is usually a good crop of songs in January. This January was not different. Fifteen songs were submitted. Here are the notes:

Bob Boelsche/ RoseAnne…Bob brought in a song telling a story of love found and love lost. Bob played the song live for the group. Although the song has a foreboding feel it is a song about a slice of life. It has some very nice imagery. It has a Neil Young feel to it. The chorus is hooky. “on the road, yeah, life on the road.” It was suggested to pick up the tempo and maybe shorten the chorus.

Lisa Loftin/ Secret… Lisa made her live debut in front of group with this song. Even though she was a little nervous she did a good job presenting the song. The song is about a love affair that is secret. “I don’t want to be your secret you keep to your self” Some song restructuring suggestions were made. It was also suggested that another verse might be added to further describe the “secret”

Larry Sepulvado/ Women Have Their Ways (Of Getting Their Way)… A very clever idea and well presented. “A woman has her way of getting her way, doin’ what she wants no matter what you say” It was suggested to change the title to “A Woman Has Her Way…” There is a pause between the verse and the chorus. It was suggested to tighten that part up. Otherwise it is a strong song.

Andrew Richardson/ Questioning Ghosts… This is a nice song with an abstract feel to it. The melody is almost too pretty for the tragic story it tells. It has a wispy feel to it. “My friends say that I’m not to blame, I wasn’t at the wheel, they don’t know how I feel”. The quick tempo of the chorus words works very well. One suggestion was made to think whether the word “questioning” was the right word.

Dorian Harrison & Lloyd Cox/ Lahaina… Jimmy Buffet look out! A good effort and well recorded. Instead of the Caribbean, Dorian and Lloyd take us to Hawaii. “Everything is finer in Lahaina, on vacation in Hawaii, Maui, Lahaina”. The song has some good images in it. It was suggested to add more Hawaiian themes in the lyrics.

T.C. Smythe/ You're the real Star… T.C. played the piano on a song about one of the hidden problems to being a musician. “You’d like to sound off, but you’re way too polite, about the time that I spend in these bars each night”. The song has an excellent song structure and a very commercial feel to it.

Mike Darnell/ Anybody Seen My Baby… A well recorded song with a bluesy feel. The song has a good feel to it and works well with the feel of the words. “I went down to the fortune teller and I had her read my palm, I said “hey you seen my baby?” she said ”your baby’s up and gone”” Nice guitar work on the song.

Patti Guyer/ The Harmony of My Home Town… Patti played the song live to the group. It was well presented. “Well it’s all part of this small town appeal, We’re just another spoke in the ol’ gossip wheel”. The lift before the chorus is a good idea and works well in the song. There are some really good lines in the song. One suggestion was to convert the last four lines of the chorus to a bridge.

Buddy Trotter/ I Will Dream of You… A well recorded song with a very neat rhythm. The song has a great melody and a fun feel to it. “I will dream of you, you’ll be on my mind, we’ll walk hand it hand, ‘til the end of time”. One suggestion was to make the chorus a duet.

Tony Rose/ Hush Little Baby… Tony played the song live to the group. As usual he did a good job of it. The song is an effective lullaby to play to a child. There is a great flow to the melody. This might be a good sound track song. One suggestion was to keep the imagery the same with all of the verses.

Pat Bishop/ Eyes of Ocean Blue… Pat presented the lyrics to the group. She is looking for someone to collaborate with. The lyrics paint a picture of love found. “Images of love surrounding me through eyes of ocean blue”. One suggestion was made to review the rhyming scheme of the song.

Bob Pine/ Goody Goody Gum Drop… Bob brought in a well recorded a song with a classic 60’s pop sound. A very up beat song. “Goody goody gumdrop, I‘m gonna love you non-stop”. Although some of the lyrics are repetitious it works very well. This would make a good song for a period movie or a commercial. One suggestion was to change brandy to something that fits with the candy theme of the song.

Patrick Juneau/ A Little Kiss… A well recorded song that is a real toe-tapper. The melody and the lyrics have good prosody. “I don’t need the sun, I don’t need the moon, I just need a little kiss from you”. The tempo really fits the words very well. One suggestion was made to change the third verse to a plural verse to show progress of the story.

Van Buchanan/ Where Does a Falling Angel Go…Van brought is a song with an excellent feel and great potential. “Where does a falling angel go when her flight is at its end”. One suggestion was to add a bridge to add some clarity to the song.

Robert Barreda/ Crave… Robert played the song live to the group. The song has alternative rock feel to it. “ I want more, I thirst for more, I crave” The song has great tension all through the song. If produced right it has great potential. One suggestion was to add a break to relieve some of the tension and allow it to build again.

Well gang, that’s it for January. Keep writing. C’ya in February