Critique Notes /March 2007
With
the change for daylight savings time and the beautiful day outside, the crowd
was smaller than normal but most of the usual suspects showed up. These things did not impact the quality of
the songs. We had 11 songs submitted. It was a good meeting. Enjoyed by all. Andrew Richardson/The Taste of you… A really good mood is expressed in music
and lyrics that fit together very nicely.
The song contains some great imagery.
“Your velvet curves, the candle glow, just you and me, we can’t let
go”. The repeats of “a taste of you”
work well. One suggestion from the group
was to change the third repeat to something different. Another good song from
Andrew. Ron Tintner/I Love
her DNA… What a neat song!
“The sequence hidden in her double helix, holds
the secret that make her so unique”. It
is a very clever concept. The production
of the song was well done. Ron had
discussed making some changes but the group suggested keeping the song
simple. Very unique. Bill Aspinwall
& Gail Randall/Just Enough… Bill played the song live for the
group. This is a good song with a good
theme. “But it’s going to be just enough
to make a life for two”. The song has
some really good visuals. One suggestion
from the group was to trim some words to make the song easier to sing. Patti Guyer/How the Weather?…
Patti played the song live for the group.
This is a good song with a good melody.
“How’s the weather in Tony Rose/For the
Sake of Sanity… Tony did a rewrite on the song
based on the comments from last month’s meeting (see last month’s critiques
notes). Tony played the song live. Hey, rewrites pay off. The song was selected by the group as one of
the “picks of the month”. Larry Sepulvado/Losing Susan…
As usual Larry brought in a good song with an interesting concept. It’s got a great title! The song has good internal rhyming. “Yes, I keep losing Susan cause
Susan keeps choosin’…” One suggestion from the group was to look at
the tense used throughout the song. Pat Bishop/Taste
of You… Pat brought in the lyrics and is looking for a musical
collaborator. This is a well-done song
with some very nice internal rhyming.
“Your recipe for ecstasy will satisfy my appetite, Oh, I love the taste
of you”. One suggestion was to draw the
chorus out. A Side Note: The
songs submitted by Andrew and Pat were products of a workshop the HFBSA
held. The attendees were asked to write
songs associated with “A Taste of You”.
As you can see the Andrew and Pat took up the challenge. It is interesting to see the different
approaches to the same theme. Good Job! Mike Darnell/Where
Did Our Love Go… Once again Mike brought in a good
song. The song is well produced, with
good visuals, and has unique rhyming scheme.
“We hear the voice but not the song it sings, the notes fall silent but
the bell still rings”. The group
suggested looking at the fourth verse to consider resolving the story. Bob Pine/Only One…
Bob announced to the group he is getting married. He needed a wedding song so he wrote
one. His bride-to-be was with him and
she had not heard the song. Talk about
pressure! “Lets
go through our lives together and love completely free, let the sands of time
remember our love, just you and me”.
What a great song! It is a good
wedding song (the bride-to-be was thrilled).
The group chose it as one of the “picks of the month” Bobby Mitchell/Little
Darlin’…Bobby brought in a good song that
could easily be a bluegrass-country crossover.
He played the song live for the group.
“I’ll hold you every day as long as you say,
you’ll always be my little darling, darling”.
Repeating the hook really helps stick the title in the listener’s
mind. One suggestion from the group was
to use the word “center” instead of “axis” in one of the verse lines. Pat
Juneau/Grounded… Pat brought in a good song that has
a good feel to it. The song has some
reflective thoughts and effective visuals.
“I wish that I was strong like black coffee or straight gin, then maybe
I’d stop running from the voices deep within”.
It was well produced. That’s it for this month gang. It’s always great to see everyone and the
good batch of songs made for some very nice listening. Hope to see you there next month. Keep Writing! |