Critique Notes /April 2007

My critiquemeistering partner, Danny Liggett, was out of town for the March meeting so I attempted a Jerry Weatherton and tried running the critique session and the post meeting write up for the newsletter. Running the meeting is a breeze compared to the post game write up. Be sure and thank Danny for the great job that he does and indeed, Jerry’s retirement is well deserved. Anyhoot, we had 11 songs submitted and it was a solid bunch. Here’s the skinny.

1. I Just Want to Make Love to You Larry Sepulvedo

A very well recorded and produced song with a classic swing melody and great lyrical phrasing ……..”You know what I want to do / I’m gonna roll right over and make love to you”. This is a very fun song and would work well on the dance floor. Some minor word changes were recommended by the group.

2. God Hear My Pleas Bruce Scism et al

Played live with guitar accompaniment, this is a powerful song of a man’s personal loss and his need for God’s acknowledging his grief ….. “But you’re not here, you’re there holding her, God hear my pleas”. Strengths of the song include great prosody and a gospel feel. The group felt the song stood well as it is with no changes needed.

3. What Would Muddy Waters Do? Mike Darnell

A tongue in cheek, bluesy number that was recorded. The song asks the question, “What would Muddy Waters do?” if he were an aspiring blues man a bit short of the standard credentials that the great blues men carry ….“Ain’t go no mojo, no blackcat bone, live in the suburbs, I’ve got a home.” The group suggested more references to Mr. Waters and a resolution to the question.

4. Taste if You Tony Rose

Played live with guitar and harmony backup, the song is a product of the latest HFBSA work shop. Using “Taste of You” as a catchy hook……“You see I never had nothing til I had a taste of you”, the song transitions well between verse and chorus. The melody and lyrics are well matched. Recommendations by the group included more images of the word “taste” throughout the song.

5. The Depth of the Sea Hugh Goodridge

“The depth of the sea where I have not been is a place that the bible says God cast all my sins.” The song was recorded with piano accompaniment and the melody was of an upbeat Broadway style, however, the lyrics delivered a more somber message. The group recommended tightening up the lyrics to simplify the message and perhaps a different melody to match the lyrics.

6. If I Could Remember the Words Celeste Terrell

The song was played live with guitar accompaniment and had a pop rock feel with a solid groove. The melody carried the song well and the hook was solid. Group recommendations included punching the hook more frequently and adding a repetitive guitar riff as a melodic hook.

7. White Collar Trash Ron Tintner/Pat Bishop

A well recorded collaborative effort tells of corporate world ladder climbing and the white collar boss who was ….. “looking down on us like we were nothing but dirt”.

The lyrics are contemporary but the melody is 50’s to 60’s. It has a nice groove and repeats the hook well. Recommendations included ending the song on the hook and MORE GUITAR.

8. Our Song Bob Pine

This is a well recorded and produced song that incorporates the song elements, melody, harmony, structure and rhythm into a more personal view of life…..”Our song is life’s melody……our song is life’s harmony. The song is upbeat and has a strong contrast between verse and chorus. The recommendation to bring the hook into the last line of the chorus was made.

9. Angel Beside Me Mike Ator

A well recorded and powerful song, it tells of one’s spiritual guidance through difficult times………… ”The world I shoulder, it weakens me, seldom keen ever grudgingly I go……….but I know there’s an angel beside me”. Each verse delivers solid lines and the matched lyrics and melody deliver a great feel.

10. Where Are You Tonight Patti Guyer

The song was played live with guitar accompaniment and tells of a lost relationship…..”Where are you tonight? Are you in flight to nowhere?” Good imagery weaves throughout the song. The group recommended resolution the titled question and more melodic distinction between the chorus and bridge.

11. Hope Gary Taylor

Played live with guitar accompaniment the song is the story of a man’s encounter with a woman whose loved one has been sent to serve his country. She is hoping that he will soon call but……”hope built on drifts of sand can shatter like glass”. The song is now set for a strong story line and closing. The song displays great prosody. The group recommended a few word changes.

That’s it for March. Hope to see you in May and I’m expecting Danny to bring in a new tune or two from his trip to see his old jammin’ buddy.

Mike