Critique Notes /July 2007

For a holiday week we had a pretty good turn out. 16 folks attended with 10 songs submitted for critique. Five of the songs were played live for the group.

Bill Emerson/The Talent… (Uncle) Bill brought in a well written song that stays focused on the story. He played it live for the group. The song is about a young girl with “The Talent”. The song has some good imagery. “She wore out two used cars and burned out two good bands”. The story line works very well. The chord selection and progression is very good. One suggestion was to add a little more emotion.

Chuck Elliot/Viva… Chuck’s song is a really good song about conflict. It makes you think about things going on in the world today. “Viva the Jews, Viva the Muslims, Viva the homeless in the street.” The song has a religious hymn feeling to it and sets a good mood. One suggestion was to make the internal rhymes more consistent.

Lisa Loftin/I’m The One… Lisa played the song live for the group. She hasn’t been playing the guitar long and is improving each month. Keep playing Lisa! Lisa’s song has a nice feel to it. It has that pop feel like a song you might hear on MTV Unplugged. “I’m the one who’ll always stand by you, I’m the one you know will never lie.” One suggestion was to maybe add a verse to discuss what happened at the beginning of the story

Andrew Richardson & Ian Ferrin/The Fireworks On The Fourth Of July… Andrew brought in a song he collaborated on. Ian is not local so I am sure it was challenging. It is an outstanding song. The song is very conversational with a great hook. “..recalling when my life was like the fireworks on the Fourth of July.” One suggestion was to drop some of the extra words to make it easier to sing.

Larry Sepulvado/The Word Is Out, The Word Is In… Larry has once again shown us his versatility in themes. “Take me to the river, wash away my sins, the Word is out, the Word is in.” This is a good gospel song with a rock and roll feel. It has some very clever lyrics and some great rhyming schemes.

Patti Guyer/The End of the Line… Patti played the song live for the group. This is a pretty song. It has a good melody that sets the mood for reflective thought. “I believe I followed every sign that led me here to the end of the line.” One suggestion was to take the melody of the bridge, which was very good, and use it for the chorus.

Ron Tintner & Melissa Evans/Think Thank Thunk… This is a different kind of song for Ron and quite enjoyable. It is a light hearted song. “I got the hiccups and wound up in the back of my truck, I hadda think, thank, thunk, was I drunk?” It’s a good concept with good music. One suggestion was to add a little more build going into the chorus.

Clyde Sayre/Time… Clyde brought in a well produced song that could be a metal gospel song. “An ancient message of hope and fear, those with ears to hear let them fear.” It is a good song with a ethereal feel to it. The contrast between the words and the music work very well. One suggestion was to look at some of the rhymes.

Celeste Terrell/Rain… Celeste played her song live for the group. It has a strong effective melody and good water imagery. “Rain, would you wash over me? Clear my pain from all the doubt I keep making.” It has a consistent feel to it. One suggestion was to add more about the cause of the pain.

Michael Callahan/A Smile Don't hide the Pain… Michael played his song live. The music and lyrics work very well together and capture the feeling very well. “I’m running out of things to say, we’ve gone our separate ways, a smile don’t hide the pain.” One suggestion was to add some imagery to the feelings. Good song.

Hearing new music is always great and there is always a new batch every month. So come on out and listen. Gotta a new song? Bring it as it is. It doesn’t need to be polished or refined. Bringing it in early can help with getting to a finished product.

Well that’s it for this month. I look forward to the next meeting.

Keep writing!

Danny