He woke up one morning in a cold wet sweat
He could barely turn his head for the pain in his neck
He drove to the doctor who took x-rays
Shined a light in his eyes, cleared his throat and said
"You're on …. the downside of life"
"You're on …. the downside of life"

He said "Doctor Doc what do you mean by that?"
He said "You're just gettin' old and you're way too fat
You need to eat right; get some exercise
Get rid of that stress building up inside"
"Cuz you're on… the downside of life"
"You're on……the downside of life"

It sure is hard to have to face the truth
That your body's getting old when your mind's thinking youth
He looked at himself in a mirror on the wall
Saw a great big belly and a head gettin' bald
He was on ….the downside of life
He was on…..the downside of life

Made up his mind to take the doctor's advice
With the years he had left he was gonna live'em right
He joined Weight Watchers; got a black toupee
Signed with Bally's Gym the very next day
He was on … the downside of life
He was on … the downside of life

(Well) he heard somewhere the best thing for stress
Is a real good woman and a lot of great sex
Got some Viagra from the Wal-Mart store
Met a fine lady walking out of the door
He was on….the downside of life
He was on….the downside of life

Repeat last verse…(Yeah)....

Tag Now he's living it up; yeah, he's living it up ….
Living it up ….on the downside of life